"By yesterday!" (3)
(Other definitions for asap that I've seen before include "As soon as possible (abbrev.)" , "Notation for as quickly as you can" , "Notation or acronym meaning without avoidable delay" , "Initials notation meaning with all possible speed" , "yesterday?" .)
(Other definitions for now that I've seen before include "At the present time" , "Immediately" , "Today" , "At present, this instant" , "The present moment" .)