"In your dreams!" (5)
(Other definitions for asif that I've seen before include "Common name in Pakistan" , "I very much doubt it!" , "yeah, right!" .)
(Other definitions for nohow that I've seen before include "Never" , "Definitely not" , "not at all the American way?" , "Not in any way (colloq.)" , "Not by any means, informally" .)